I am not good at slow.
I am good at stop and go.
I am good at all or nothing.
I am not good with in between bullshit.
I like answers.
I like direction.
I like plans.
I am not good at resting in the moment.
I want more.
I want great.
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A flashing yellow light signifies: proceed with caution. I feel like I AM a flashing yellow light.
I put out that I need caution, time, patience and understanding, but I don’t know how to do it for myself.
I am not patient with myself.
Most of the time, I feel like I need to dive in head first for fear that the water won’t always be there for me to feel. In those moments, I usually end up drowning. Other times, I just don’t even try to test out the water because my anxiety or skeptismn gets the best of me. There isn’t an between. There isn’t a happy medium. There is just stop and go.
Stop or go usually just results in me becoming increasingly frustrated with myself.
Why can’t I just let myself wade?
Why can’t I down shift and just go slower?
Why am I either green or red?
Where is my yellow?
I am in charge of my happiness. I am in control of my calm. I am going to find my yellow light that prepares me for my stop and let’s me rest from my go.
Stay grateful, stay patient,
-KP
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